Have you ever wondered why we mostly hear and talk about the good days in our lives? Maybe it’s because positive words breed positive vibes, bring joy, uplift, encourage and help us exercise our laugh-muscles. But let’s be honest – throughout our life span we will encounter a range of different kind of days – some good and some not so desirable. Let’s not only share the golden days when there is so much more in between.

There are normal days, A-okay days, warm-fuzzy days, crazy-emotional-upside-down days, freezing-cold-icicle days, light-easy-fluffy days, dark-gloomy days, bad-hair days, chirpy-cheery days, foggy-I-can’t-see anything days, happy-go-lucky days, help-I-am-drowning days, icing-with-cherry-on-top days, grey-in-between days and I-hope-it’s-better-tomorrow-days.

Let’s face it, we live in a fallen world! Hence life doesn’t always throw us warm summer days with sunny blue skies. Sometimes we get wind and rain, hail, snow and even the occasional category five hurricane. Although the weather can be unpredictable at times, it is a hopeful reminder that after the storm there is a calm and cloudy skies eventually give way to sunshine.

Why are you downcast my soul? Why are you so restless within me?
Hard-pressed – Pushed – Pulled – Attacked on all sides.
Wants, needs and expectations of the world tug at my weary body and soul.
My own expectations pulling me down like gravity – self-inflicted – self-powered.
Stop, I tell you – No more, I command you – Stay away, I say.
Not now – Too much – No time – Cannot – Will not – Let me go!
Shouts of frustration escape motionless lips and pierce the heart.
Sadness accompanies me into the land of thoughts and dreams.
Weak limbs paralyzed by sorrow and uncapable to fight.
Tears wash the window panes of my soul.

Didn’t I throw off the mourning clothes a long time ago?
Didn’t I overcome these things – a year ago – a month ago – a week ago?
Still, they have followed me here and threaten to overtake me.
Failure stares me straight in the eyes with a sly grin on its face.
Why am I back in this place – Didn’t I understand it the last time?
Not really – Maybe a little – Or just a bit more than a little?
I had said, “I know that I know that I know, I really get it this time.”
With box ticked, I walked confidently on – Yet, here I am again.
So confusing – My head is spinning – I don’t comprehend it.
Fatigue, anxiety, sickness, weakness, insecurity, depression –
You robbers of my joy: Get behind me – Stay away.

From the outside looking in, everything is good.
Looking from the inside out, the window pane is tainted.
Is this exaggerated – Is it really that deep shade of grey?
With the glass half full, life is good and I am blessed.
Be glad – Be grateful – Be happy!
My feelings paint a different picture.
I don’t feel fine, but I am fine. Yes, I am fine!
I am convinced that I am fine. Small ailments don’t count.
I am definitely fine!
My mind agrees and I hope to believe it soon.
My soul complains it knows best and accuses my mind of overload.
My mind is working overtime and my emotions are in overdrive.

Stop – Breathe – Focus – Pray.

Come to my rescue Lord, my Rock and my Defender.
You alone are my help in this desert place.
Save me from the net of thoughts that seek to entangle me.
Guard me from the venomous sting of lies targeting me.
Strengthen my weary limbs and disheartened soul.
Protect me from the evil plans put in place to trip me up.
Shield me from the deadly web of deception in my way.
Keep my feet from the hidden snares strategically placed to trap me.
Meet me in this barren place and lift me up out of the dust.

Aren’t You the God of Angel Armies –
The One who created lightning and thunder?
Aren’t You He who make rivers flow in desert places –
The One who gave Samson his strength?
Aren’t You the God who healed lepers and cast out demons?
Wasn’t it You who made the blind see, the lame walk and the mute speak?
Aren’t You He who opens doors that cannot be closed –
And closes doors that cannot be opened?
Aren’t You the One who puts broken things back together –
The only God who has unlimited power and resources?
Yes! All of this is true and my heart knows it!
So why do I underestimate and limit You?
Why do I question Your ways and doubt Your timing?
Are my expectations too great or is my faith too small?

I surrender Lord and admit my frailty, weakness and limitations.
You are greater, Your thoughts higher, Your ways perfect.
Stretch my faith and turn my eyes from the waves back to You.
Strip away every layer of doubt and replace it with trust.
Let me not leave this place the same way that I came.
Mend me – Mold me – Strengthen me.
Send Your light and truth to guide me to Your streams of living waters.
With uplifted head, strengthened feet and exhilarated heart –
Lead me out of this greyness into Your sweet presence.
And let me rest in the shalom that only You can give.

Angella Marie